Lothian and Borders Police Deserving Of PLODITS

We've got the Oscars, the Golden Globes and the BAFTAs. Now the awards ceremony you have all been waiting for - The PLODITS.
With not even the slightest hint of embarrassment, Lothian and Borders Police have launched their own awards, giving out baubles to cops for er, doing their job.
Obviously no worldwide recession biting at Fettes HQ as the top brass took time off to present a pile of meaningless PLODITS at Murrayfield Stadium yesterday.
Deputy chief constable Tommy Halpin and other braided buffoons were on call to present the Force Excellence Awards 2008 which, and I'm not making this up, "recognise the outstanding achievements of groups and individuals within the Force".
The five categories are all so mind numbingly boring and dull that I will understand if you don't read on, but for the record they are:

Service Response Excellence Award
Public Reassurance and Community Safety Excellence Award
Criminal Justice and Tackling Crime Excellence Award
Sound Governance and Efficiency Excellence Award
The Valued Service Award.
There was also a Chief Constable’s Award for good measure.

I trust my colleages in the media will be making inquires as to how much this nonsense cost to put on and establishing how it contributes to cutting crime in Lothian and Borders.

Strangely enough there were no awards in the following categories which I feel would have been more apt:

The Failing To Find A Dead Body In A Garden Excellence Award

The Best Use Of A Police Flag Pole Excellence Award

The Spend £120k On A Crap Rebranding Project Excellence Award

The Best New Name (non German) For A Police Dog Excellence Award

The Let A Rapist Escape To Sudan Because We Didn't Go Public With The Assault Excellence Award.

And just to underline how much this police force are out of touch with reality they actually sent out a press release bumming up their PLODITS winners. Like we care.