News of the Screw's McColm Polite To A Fault

Most amused to see my name being quoted in that mighty journalistic organ known affectionately as The News of the Screws. And how very polite of their Scottish political editor, Euan McColm ,to first tell me that he was going to nick a line from my blog about the Lothian and Borders Police logo farce and then email me after publication to say thanks.
Changed days from when I was at the news coal face when it was common to just lift stuff from each other's publications without fear or favour.
Mind you, Euan might have been stretching it in the politeness stakes when he described me as a "public relations executive". One bona fide public relations exec (as opposed to poacher turned gamekeeper me)thought this was a step too far and brought the PR industry into disrepute. Mind you, I've been called much worse.

Belle of the Ball

What a swell party it was. I'm now fully recovered after attending one of my highlights of the year, my better half's company ball, which this year celebrated the business' 10th birthday.
Given that she and her co-owner brother are Turra born and bred it was only fitting that their 10th birthday party was a full blown Scottish ceilidh. Their company has a reputation for not doing things half heartedly and over the years their annual bash has become one of the most anticipated events in Aberdeen. And so 300 staff, partners and guests hoolied it up at the Beach Ballroom, entertained by Scottish country dancers, the Red Hot Chilli Pipers and dance band Last Tram Tae Auchenshuggle.
Every last detail of this event is managed by my good lady and if the oil business ever goes the way predicted by the doom and gloom merchants she will always have a fall back career as an event organiser par excellence. But the fact that she made it at all to her own do on Saturday was down to her sheer strength of character. She had been admitted to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary on Monday evening after a weekend of hellish stomach pains. And on Tuesday, as I was following First Minister Alex Salmond around at the official opening of client Central Insurance's new HQ, she was getting her appendix whipped out.
Two days after the op, she was back at the Beach Ballroom, albeit sitting down most of the time, directing operations so that nothing was left to chance and guests would have a night to remember.
She pulled it off, although the circumstances were especially cruel as she loves to dance and despite having at her disposal two of the best ceilidh acts in the country, she could only manage two of the slower numbers.
It was another stunning success and we've just been looking at the photographs of the event which were taken by snapper Karen Murray of Firstpix. Much fun will be had after noticing that one of her kilted staff, a 6ft 7" Romanian, has been caught on camera, legs akimbo and flashing a lovely Persil-white pair of boxers. But I will be making sure the pic of yours truly which proves I was a 'true Scotsman' (ok, you've got to strain your eyes, no jokes please) won't be appearing on any websites.

Blogging - It Would Be Rude Not To

I got a call on Wednesday from the news editor of a national, asking me to help out on a story his paper wanted to do on Lothian and Borders cops and their right-on, politically correct, tree hugging, lesbian-gay-bisexual-transgender flag waving tendencies.
I was too busy on other things to get involved but I told said news editor he could have beaten The Scotsman to the story of the £120k being poured down the drain on rebranding if he had been following my blog.
His response was something like "Oh, people read it?" I can't make up my mind if this was because he personally doesn't like this blog or that he is one of those journos who stick to the increasingly old fashioned view that blogs are just for the *McChattering classes (*Copyright David Cairns).
It got me looking at the blog stats, which are of course modest, but to me, still quite surprising. Just reviewing the last three months from 1 December until today there have been 4195 hits on the blog and 3026 visits. That's chicken feed compared to other blogs and to be honest I'm not really fussed but it does show that it has some kind of regular readership.
Ok, some people land here in error, like the weirdo who put in a Google search for "spanking Aberdeen" (it's an old and innocent post referring to Facebook spanking)but I know there are regular readers from the media, the Scottish Government and of course the polis.
There are also regular readers from Norway, France, Ireland and USA on top of the many UK visitors.
Some of my contemporaries ask, "how can you be bothered, what's the blog all about?" I blog for lots of different reasons, regardless of how many readers might look in, and here's just a few of them: It's a bit of fun. It gives me an outlet to get some words down other than in press releases. It's less formal and you can write in a style that's different from mainsteam media. I can be frivolous one day and serious the next. I can pose questions on matters such as the underperforming press office at Lothian and Borders Police where others may feel more restricted about what they can say.
And here's quite an important reason. The blog also keeps me in touch or puts me back in touch with former colleagues and other journos. For example, the other night I got a text from Windy Alexander's new spin doctor, Simon Pia, on the back of a blog entry. This morning I had a phone call from Scotland Today's Edinburgh bureau chief, Suzi Mair, who has just discovered the blog and says she can't believe I'm so rude and the political editor of a Sunday title has emailed to say he's nicking one of my lines for his columm. Great to hear from these folks and the more the merrier.
So, hard to believe I know, but people do read this blog. And once in a while they might just pick up the odd tale which I've been too busy to flog on.

The Life and Grimes of Lothian and Borders Police Press Office

Hats off, (with new insignia) to Michael Howie and Brian Ferguson for their story in today's Scotsman about Lothian and Borders cops latest wheeze - spending £120k on a rebranding exercise.
It's possible Messrs Howie and Ferguson have been following this blog which first revealed the rebranding farce and the resources being poured in to this pointless exercise. Other newspapers are quite rightly following this up for tomorrow's editions but just cast your eye over the following statement which has been issued by the Fettes press office in response to media inquiries.
I predict you are unlikely to find a better example of "wank speak" this year. And what's worse, these jokers are being paid generously for issuing tosh like this. No doubt Deputy Chief Constable Tom Halpin and his press office pal Elayne Grimes are delighted with their day's work but surely its only a matter of time before their political bosses, both local and national, put a stop to this sort of nonsense which is being carried out in the taxpayers name.
Here is the statement. Read and enjoy, even if you don't understand what it means.

A police spokesperson said: “Lothian and Borders Police started a Corporate Identity Project in 2006 following a number of recommendations from various stakeholder publications that the force could consider enhancing their visibility through addressing their corporate identity.

“This is not about having a ‘new look’ but rather about an organisation that is moving forward with new drive, new ambition, new ideas and new relationships. The dynamic nature of Lothian and Borders Police is one that we should all acknowledge and help to nurture as we become commonly regarded as leaders in service, leaders in innovation, and leaders in partnerships.

“It was decided that our new identity should be built upon the newly agreed Core Values that underpin our organisation. The six core values, and foundations of, Lothian and Borders Police are that of Transparency, Integrity, Responsiveness, Reassurance, Respect and Innovation. With these in mind our organisation seeks to move forward with a new ‘tone of voice’ to work hand in hand with these values as we ask all of our communities and stakeholders both internal and external to “Work With Us”.

“The Corporate Identity Project will also ensure that Lothian and Borders Police are recognised by a new logo that is designed to illustrate the new core values and tone of voice. Lothian and Borders Police has already started rolling out our new identity and this will continue over the coming months according to priority products and materials and minimum environmental impact.”

NOTE TO NEWSDESKS: The advice and recommendations were set out in the Disability Discrimination Act, the ACPOS Diversity Action Plan, Lothian and Borders Police Force Equality Scheme, Lothian and Borders Police Force Visibility and Reassurance Strategies, HMIC Open All Hours, HMIC Narrowing the Gap, Investor in People Standard and BS 7000-6 Managing Inclusive Design Standard.

I could go through it line for line but just picking out a few will suffice.
"leaders in service, leaders in innovation, and leaders in partnerships" - how about just being leaders in sticking bad guys in the pokey, keeping our streets safe and putting more cops on the beat (like your Strathclyde counterparts)?
"The six core values, and foundations of, Lothian and Borders Police are that of Transparency, Integrity, Responsiveness, Reassurance, Respect and Innovation." Judging by the feedback I get from hacked-off hacks on their dealings with the press office I take it Elayne Grimes and her team are exempt from these core values then?
"our organisation seeks to move forward with a new ‘tone of voice’" - will Dan Hewitt be adopting this new tone of voice (£30k a year for sitting at home, if you don't mind)? Does it mean he will actually respond to weekend press inquiries instead of ignoring calls and that when he does answer his phone he will “Work With Us” - us being the media?
Another astonishing PR coup in the life and grimes of Lothian and Borders Police press office.

PS: did anyone from L and B have a clear media stategy on how to deal with the predictable Tommy Sheridan outburst yesterday as he wife was detained at Gayfield or was it decided just to let him give the Force a right good kick in the Solidarities?

Sheridan Story Hits Bottleneck

This is the day I get to say "I told you so" to four national news desks. On 17 January I wrote: "Detectives are preparing to detain and charge Gail Sheridan, the glamorous wife of former Socialist MSP Tommy Sheridan.
The British Airways hostess, whose evidence played a crucial part in her husband’s £200,000 libel win against a tabloid newspaper, will be charged with perjury within weeks."
The story was offered, in turn, as an exclusive to two tabloids, a middle market and a broadsheet - and they all bottled it. One even said 'we can't run it because we've already said Gail won't be charged'.
Not in the habit of taking flyers, my sources were 100 per cent cast iron. I even disclosed, off the record, some of the evidence that has been gathered in the case. Granted, I didn't know Sheridan's father in law and another four people would also be charged but the real story is about Mr and Mrs Sheridan facing potential jail sentences should they be found guilty.
So it pains me today to look along the news shelves and see every Scottish paper plastering the Gail Sheridan story over their front pages.
Maybe some of these big beast news editors will put me through for a goodwill payment but I'm not holding my breath.

Labour Leader Leans on Towering Pia

I'm duty bound to wish all the best to former colleague, Simon Pia, in his new job. 'Cos boy, he's going to need it.
Simon, for his sins, has just been appointed as spin doctor (see AllMediaScotland) to Scottish Labour leader Windy Alexander, or Shouty Alexander as fellow hack/PR/blogger Scott Douglas describes the pocket dominoe.
This morning I witnessed the opposition in action and Simon has picked the toughest of gigs in going up against First Minister Alex Salmond's well oiled machine. I've been working closely with the "FM's" people these last few weeks in the run up to him performing the official opening of the new HQ of my client, Central Insurance Services.
And from my dealings with various civil servants during this exercise(diary secretary, private secretary, protocol advisor, press office) I can only praise the professional and helpful way they went about their business. To a man, and woman, they were easy to deal with and eager to accommodate and the visit was slick, superbly organised and went without a hitch.
I had limited dealings with the Scottish Executive machinery when Labour were in power and it may be unfair to compare but I can't recall the same level of enthusiasm and 'can do' attitudue emaninating from St Andrew's House during that time.
But Simon's a survivor who has made many friends in his varied journalism career and I am sure that will stand him in good stead. Our paths first crossed when he gave me my first "job" in journalism. He was editor of the Leith Leader, a community free sheet and I was trying to notch up some bylines and experience to boost my bid to gain entry to Napier Polytechnic to study journalism. Despite my limited fitba' knowledge Simon gave me a spot reporting the home matches of Meadowbank Thistle (now Livingston FC)and while I can't say sitting in the press box of a forlorn Meadowbank Stadium on bone chilling January weekends was a career highlight, I was grateful to Simon for giving me a chance to write. (whether anyone actually read the stuff is debatable)
Simon of course held the Diary berth at The Scotsman when I was crime correspondent and we would swap tales, tittle tattle and info when we could help each other. The Scotsman made a big mistake letting Simon go and the current Alba diary is pathetic shadow of Pia's column which was gossipy without being overly malicious. More recently, when Simon was hosting radio station Talk 107's drivetime show, he would give me a shout to come on air and speak about the latest developments in a long running planning saga concerning another PR client, Musselburgh Racecourse.
We bump in to each other now only occasionaly. The last time was probably at Aidan Smith's book launch or possibly going to or coming back from a match at Easter Road. I will look forward to hearing about what life is like inside the Wendy House and hope Simon lasts longer than previous incumbent Brian Lironi. Good luck mate! And c'mon the Cabbage.

Strathclyde's Top Cop Puts House In Order

I like the cut of his gib - this new Strathclyde Police Chief Constable, Stephen House. As reported by Michael Howie in his Scotsman exclusive, Mr House has given Scotland's largest police force a right shake up since he took over the top post, booting out highly paid senior officers back on to the beat and axing dozens of superintendents posts to free up £2 million in salaries.
Lothian and Borders Police also got a new Chief Constable recently. Not that you would know. But to be fair to David Strang his force have been busy too - celebrating Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender History Month by flying a rainbow flag outside their Edinburgh HQ. Sadly, I'm not making this up - full story here in the Edinburgh Evening News.
Chief Constable House is also raking in extra cash courtesy of Lothian and Borders Police press office. Apparently the Edinburgh press office are so busy that boss Elayne Grimes is sending PR work through to Strathclyde, which their press office carry out, and of course, invoices back to the Edinburgh force.
Ms Grimes, on about £50k a year, has no problems spending tax payers cash. Recently she had a team of three or four cops beavering away on a review - to find out how good her department is. (did they canvas the views of the Scottish media who would, I'm sure, have a few pointed answers?)
She's also got a full time police constable assisting with a lengthy review of the force's corporate identity which could lead to a very expensive replacement of all Lothian and Borders branding, force crest, livery, stationery ect.
And I hear Ms Grimes, who seems to spend a good deal of time "out of force" has also called in a Glasgow communications agency who are placing a member of staff on a 10 week secondment to Fettes to help with the corporate identity review.
So while Strathclyde's Chief is determined to drive down costs, root out wasters and put cops back on the beat, his counterpart in Edinburgh seems happy to throw money at a media office which fails to perform even the most basic of duties.(see previous post)
I know Elayne Grimes is a fervent reader of my blog. Maybe she can come on and explain how she can justify splashing the cash and tying up experienced police officers when Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill has made it clear the Scottish Government's priority is to have fewer pen pushers and more thief catchers?

Watt He Sees is Watt You Get

Had the pleasure of teaming up up with ex colleague and top notch photographer Chris Watt last week. I needed pics done in Glasgow for new PR client, property consultants FG Burnett, to promote a rebrand they've just gone through and as usual Chris done an excellent job.
Only to be expected when you have a look at his website and see the quality of work and the range of jobs he's worked on over the years.
Chris and me first worked together when he was learning his craft as an inexperienced snapper (are we still allowed to call them monkeys? Probably not.)on the Edinburgh Evening News. And a couple of years later we were back together doorstepping and snatching on the Daily Record in Edinburgh where we got in to a few scrapes. One I remember involved a weekend in lovely Kenmore on the River Tay and although the memory is a bit hazy I think it involved some heavy duty lifer who was out on release from the pokey but was helping out at a Scout camp (he may have been a paedo). The campsite was useless as far as getting pics was concerned and we were reduced to fighting our way through a forest overlooking the site to try and get a vantage point. I think Chris may have injured his leg during this sortie but being the gallant sort and assessing this was really a snapper's gig and that I would be better directing ops from afar, I of course retired to the nearest boozer.
Another job where we covered ourself in mud, if not glory, involved staking out the isolated cottage of a Z-list radio presenter whom the editor had ordered that we do a number on. Again there was very little cover for snatches so we got there about 5.30am and negotiated our way over a heavy field and took up post in a hedgerow opposite the cottage. Prime position and all that, pics would soon be in the bag, but being a top investigative journo I hadn't reckoned on Z-list having a dug. As soon as he opened the door to go to work his black lab made a beeline for the two likely lads esconsed in the hedge. Game up, and after a brief exchange of pleasantries we made our way back in to town only to hear Z-list berating us on his morning radio show. Fair play, you win some . . .
Glad to say the job in Glasgow was much more civilised and I look forward to working again with Chris.

Police Media Office Needs All Shook Up

Picture this. Under the headline Officers All Shook Up As Drug Raid Uncovers Rare Elvis Pieces, today's Edinburgh Evening News carries a photograph of PC Sid Simmons posing up with Elvis memorabilia. PC Simmons - that's right, he is a serving police officer - is pictured making a very bad "Elvis lip" impression to tie in with the story. Geddit?
No criticism of the Evening News - in fact, full marks to them and photographer Greg MacVean for somehow convincing this copper to make a complete Jailhouse Rock of himself.
The point is - and I'm getting to it - that this farce must have been sanctioned by Lothian and Borders Police press office. It's inconcievable that the press office didn't set this up and gave the ok for ElSid to pose up.
And this is the same press office, who last week, when there was a full blown seige situation at Meadowbank involving upwards of 40 officers, including riot police and dog handlers, told callers to the press office: "We have no details of any incident", despite the fact one of their press officers was present at the scene.
And this is the same press office who pay circa £30,000 a year to their former media chief, Dan Hewitt, to work from home. As I understand it part of Mr Hewitt's consultancy agreement is that he is available at weekends to handle media inquiries. Only try getting hold of him if you can. His mobile phone number is fiercely protected by the ops room and if he actually does answer a call you can expect a frosty reception.
The Scottish Sun came up against the same obstacles a few weeks ago when they were trying to bottom out a weekend murder story in Morningside and calls to Hewitt's number proved fruitless.
The changes in recent months at L and B's press office - once the most professional and media friendly in the country - are alarming and need to be addressed head on by media who are being short changed, stymied and stonewalled on legitimate press inquiries.
The Daily Record are so hacked off at the situation that I hear the news desk have sent a memo to all reporters circulating Dan Hewitt's mobile telephone number. The memo states that if the ops room refuse to assist with inquiries then Hewitt should be called as a matter of course.
So Lothian and Borders Police press office can put their time and great talents in to setting up nonsense Elvis-type pics but when it comes to dealing with real press inquiries that actually matter - forget it.
Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill is being pressed to put 1000 more officers back on the beat to make our streets safer and everyone will applaud this initiative. But when he's finished can someone in the Justice Deparment have a really good look at L and B's media operations and tell us if we, the taxpayer, are getting value for money. I think I know the answer already.

Interviews Don't Always Go asplanned

To Dundee University's Duncan of Jordanstone College last night where one of my new clients, asplanned, was sponsoring a professional development event hosted by the Dundee Institute of Architects.
Bad weather and heavy traffic curtailed my involvement (lucky break for those assembled) but former Beeb man Neil Mudie was the main draw and gave a warts an' all account of how to handle the media and how architects can benefit from building up good relations with hacks.
Neil gave some words of warning about how to deal with a spitting, snarling hack pack in full flow, should any of the professionals attending find themselves in the unforgiving media spotlight.
The last time I met Neil was more than 10 years ago when as a fully paid up member of the hack pack I was dispatched to Dundee by the Daily Record to work up some Tayside coverage as past of a circulation push in the region. I was billeted at Graham Ogilvie's Dundee Press Agency (now Scottish News Agency) and the big man kept me right during my foray in to the unfamiliar territory that was Dundee. That of course meant an introduction to certain Dundee watering holes and it was the Speedwell Bar where I came across Neil who was the BBC's Man In Dundee at that time. Also in the hack pack was a young-ish Brian Lironi, then part of Ogilvie's thrusting agency. Little did we know Brian would later go on to fame if not fortune by blowing out Windy Alexander by quitting as the Scottish Labour Party's spin doctor.
Neil finished off his informative lecture on a light hearted note by showing a hilarious interview (never broadcast for obvious reasons)with Rangers manager Walter Smith and Chick Young, recorded when Smith was at his first stint with the Ibrox club. I had never seen it before and even if you have it's still worth viewing again.