Valentine Present Gives The Horne

Did you have an orgasmic Valentine's Day? I did – I got a sausage surprise. And even better, it was repeated on Sunday morning. My other half knows how to get straight to a man’s heart.

Her present to me was a batch of stunning sausages made by her IT guru Simon Kane. As well as being expert in all things byte related, Simon has perfected the recipe for breakfast bites.

Simon has a smallholding in rural Aberdeenshire and breeds his own porkers, raises hens and grows his own veg. I was promised these would be the best sausages I would ever taste and with a couple fresh eggs, (include a double yoker, but not including the hard boiled egg meant for one of Simon’s kids and which had got mixed in with ours) they lived up to the billing. What could possibly top this Valentine dish? A small pot of broon sauce made from the apples and plums collected from Simon’s parent’s garden. Mmmmmmmmm. Knee-tremblingly good and I just hope I don’t have to wait another year for a repeat performance.

Sticking with orgasms, I reckon there was a quite a few being achieved round about me on Friday night when we took our seats at the Witches of Eastwick at His Maj’s in Aberdeen.
Well, some strange phenomenon was taking place when Marti Pellow took to the stage as the lead Darryl van Horne.

Pellow was on top form and best bits for me were his Jack Nicholsonesque one liners such as (in reply to one of his New England conquests asking what he had ever done for her): “Let me give you a clue ladyee – it comes in multiples.”

With 98 per cent of the audience female I must have been half listening when I said yes, I would like to go to see this show. And casting my eye around the bar pre-performance it seemed most of the covens in Aberdeen had decided to make this occasion their annual night out. As for the wolf whistles from the stalls – they would put a building site to shame.